Need a little help from Cupid’s arrow?
It’s almost that time of year when Cupid draws back his bow and fires it in the direction of canoodling couples and loved up lads and ladies. Of course, it’s a good thing the little cherub has a pair of wings to fly around as there’s no way he’s taking that bow and arrow on a plane in this day and age.
Valentine’s Day is nearly upon as, with the flood of cards, chocolates and other little trinkets designed to help you show your love for your significant other, or perhaps to try and woo an unsuspecting object of your affection. Of course, it wasn’t always a day for Hallmark to revel in a spike in sales and the cuddly toy market to experience a welcome post-Christmas surge.
According to Christian and Roman history, there were a number of different St Valentines, although two of the most prominent from Roman times seem to fit the profile of the hopeless romantic whose crusades for love were to ultimately lead to their demise. The St Valentine who lived at the time of Emperor Claudius II, was said to be a priest who secretly married young couples after the emperor had outlawed marriage for young men, believing it would make them better soldiers. Needless to say, when Claudius found out about Valentine’s clandestine couplings, he ordered him to be executed. Another legend contends that a jailed Valentine fell in love with his jailer’s daughter who came to visit him and wrote her letters, which he signed off as ‘from your Valentine’.
The origins of Valentine’s Day aren’t all steeped in doomed love and if you’re single or the sort of person who dreads the annual festival of commercially-induced affection, you may have ancestors who experienced the Pagan version of the mid-February shindig – Lupercalia. This involved sacrificing animals such as goats and dogs, smear their blood each other, feasting to excess and running around naked whipping people with the skins of the dead animals. And you felt bad for scoffing that entire heart-shaped box of chocolates and polishing off the Prosecco. Romance was not high on the agenda as men would draw the names of women in a crude matchmaking lottery – no swiping left here folks.
Nowadays, you may not run the risk of getting slapped with the charred hide of a dead goat, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t pitfalls out there for those seeking love at this time of year. Internet scammers ramp up the romantic scams as Valentine’s Day approaches and last year the FBI reported that well over $200m was being lost every year due to scammers who target single people in the run up to February 14. Millions of spam emails are sent out, purporting to be from single women, wanting to meet single men and asking for money for transport costs to arrange meet-up.
However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a scam or someone asking you for money for you to be skeptical. With the explosion in online dating websites and apps lately, most people on the look out for love feel they are guaranteed to find that perfect match online. However, the course of true love does not always run smooth and this is especially true for those looking for a long-term partner through digital dating.
For a start, the odds seem to be stacked against men as there are a lot more of them on dating sites than there are women. Another area to be wary of is profiling. Complex algorithms may help you hone in on people you have a lot in common with, but it won’t tell you much more than and you’ll only know if you’re truly compatible if you have a face-to-face meeting and securing one of those is the tricky part.
The margin for error is also pretty slim in the world of online dating, meaning if you are one of a dozen men messaging one woman, even the slightest indiscretion can see you tossed aside. Online dating can be ruthless and a tough place to catch a break if you are young and single.
Finding love in your later years can be difficult too. Even with experience, finding the right match is far from guaranteed and particularly if people have been with the same person for a long period time, they will struggle to get back onto a dating which is maybe unrecognisable from their younger days.
That is why many more people, young and old, are turning to professional matchmaking services to find love and companionship. The profession itself is a rapidly growing with one British matchmaking company reporting that they received almost 300 applications for a job they advertised last year. Many matchmaking services vary in terms of the profile of their clientele and the number and scope of introductions they arrange for you. However, one of the main advantages matchmaking has over online dating is the personal touch. When you sign up, you have a one-on-one interview with a matchmaker who can tease out the most interesting and appealing parts of your character and use this to shape your profile. The matchmaker will also have met personally with the people you’ll be introduced to and that human interaction is vital in assessing compatibility.
Typically, matchmakers report that around three-quarters of their clients will have had a relationship of three months or more as a result of their matches, so the success rate is much higher than the constant swiping and relationships stand a better chance of lasting too.
The Casting is one such matchmaking service which promise discretion, compatibility and all done with that personal touch. They have a twin approach of headhunting potential matches and inviting interested singles to sign up is designed to ensure the right people get paired together.
You will have a discreet and personalised sign up interview, designed to paint a comprehensive picture of your character and The Casting will then conduct an extensive process of selection to ensure you are paired with a suitable partner for introduction.
Kerensa Robertson is the woman behind The Casting and she believes her own track record in success and relationships perfectly places her to fire Cupid’s bow.
“The question of success is one of the first questions I’m asked, and I’ve had many during my seven years in the business. This includes a CFO of a global brand who, five years down the line, is still recommending me! I gauge success in the reaction to the introductions I create as much as the speed of successful relationships commencing and continuing,” says Kerensa.
Kerensa is a firm believer in true love as well and that’s why she employs a range of methods, pulling together a number of different contacts and resources to find her clients the matches that are right for them.
“When I first start looking for potential candidates, I consult my special black book of contacts, networks and collaborations. For a man looking for marriage and children for a first time it can even mean finding inventive ways of ‘shopping’ for potential suitors – I’ve stopped suitably attractive ladies in various places, asking if they’re single and giving them my business card!” she says.
Tapping into old contacts, finding people in the street and bars, Kerensa will go to any lengths to find the right candidate
“ It’s about being inventive to whet people’s appetites and sometimes by bringing a little mystery and intrigue! Many people like to think they can bring a little love into peoples’ lives so are very happy to help!
Each candidate has unique requirements and I contract for an initial six months with a 6/8 minimum introduction. One exceptional ex-medic I’m working with has already had over 10 meetings with a few promising second and third meetings which, given his location and international schedule, is very positive, hence he has recommended me to friends. I always describe working with me as a journey, and feedback about each introduction is absolutely crucial to ensuring success”
Remember, dating should be fun! So, if you’re currently single and want to chat about how to move your love life forward, then maybe you need a little cupid’s touch! Contact Kerry directly here
The Casting is currently conducting a search for a bespoke search for an absolutely stunning international lady looking to meet partners open to marriage and children very quickly! She’s exceptional and manages to have achieved a great corporate career without losing her femininity – a challenge for some high-flying females. This particular lady flies into London and I arrange a few dates each time to ensure her trip is viable. It’s a bit like a bespoke speed dating experience but allows us both to really collaborate and move forwards with the feedback from each meeting.
Christmas Gift Guide: Some Seasonal Inspiration
It can be a puzzle as tricky as the most fiendish sudoku or that cryptic crossword you always start but give up after a handful of clues. Working out what to buy your loved ones for Christmas can be a real head-scratcher and you’re just crying out for that spark of inspiration.
The pressure to get it right builds as December looms and you find yourself weighing up a few different approaches. Do you go for practical or heartfelt? Try to pick up on hints or ask them straight out what they’d like?
If you are one of those who still can’t quite make up your mind what to get for your nearest and dearest, here are a few suggestions you may not have thought about.
For the football fan in your life…
Footballers writing books is nothing new, but every so often one comes along which proves to be utterly engrossing. Wingin’ It: The Mark Walters Story by Jeff Holmes is one of those books. Searingly honest, it does not shy away from the uglier side of British football in 1980s and 90s. It charts the experiences of former Aston Villa, Rangers and Liverpool midfielder Mark Walters, who enjoyed heady days breaking through at his hometown club, to crushing lows of vile racist abuse in Scotland and discovering that his dream move to Liverpool would turn into something of a nightmare. Full of jaw dropping accounts, moments of dark humour and evocative tales of the mud and guts football of the pre-Premier League era, this is a must-read for any discerning football fans.
Holmes helps Walters tell his story of his early days at Villa, under iconic manager Graham Taylor – who would also go on to give Walters his solitary England cap – and how regular battles at both ends of the old English Division One table at a time when black footballers were much scarcer than they are nowadays helped hone his survival instincts. These would prove useful for his baptism of fire in Scotland.
Walters also opens up about his faith and how it helped him reconcile those darker days in his life and allowed him to forgive those you had subjected him to abuse.
An absorbing and enligthening read, Wingin’ It is the perfect Christmas gift for anyone interested in football.
Wingin’ It: The Mark Walters Story by Jeff Holmes is out now. Pitch Publishing (£18.99) Buy it here
Is the lady in your life looking for a new outlook as they face a new stage in their life?
The ‘change’ is something many women and men find it difficult to talk about. The menopause may sometimes be spoken about in hushed tones, but that is changing and a new book by Jill Davey is helping women tackle it head on and inspire them to take control and revitalise their bodies.
The Menopause Cure: Hormonal Health is designed to help woman prevent the mood swings, weight gain and fatigue which can often accompany the menopause. By using bioidentical hormone restorative therapy (BHRT), Jill shows women how they can combat ill health and restore vitality, boost brainpower and their sex drive in their 40s and beyond.
Written with the help of former heart surgeon and expert in restorative medicine Sergey A. Dzugan, MD, PhD, the book looks at how important it is to maintain hormone balance as a way of preventing disease in longer life.
It details how BHRT can help keep healthy cholesterol levels without using drugs, prevent migraines and help you avoid conditions such as Fibromyalgia. Jill Davey shows how her extensive research has revealed how certain hormones in your body behave and interact with each other and how achieving balance can boost your health.
Don’t think this isn’t relevant to you fellas; in February 2019, we will be interviewing Jill Davey on the male menopause….it exists, it is real and it affects many men approaching the late 40s and early 50s.
In the meantime, show your caring and sensitive side with this thoughtful gift for the special lady in your life.
The Menopause Cure: Hormonal Health by Jill D Davey with Sergey A Dzugan MD, PhD is out now (Paperback, £8.99) Buy it here
For that stylish someone…
Style doesn’t have to be a part-time thing. Nine-to-five, eight ‘til late, you can make sure that stylish someone in your life is always good to go with a beautifully Italian-made, British-designed handbag from AG by Anoesjcka Gianotti.
You really can’t go wrong with a working girl handbag, especially one as expertly designed and made as these one from Anoesjcka Gianotti which combine quality, class and style with everyday practicality.
They have bags for any situation, whether it’s a practical tote for day-to-day use, a traveller’s bag for a weekend away or a subtle little clutch for an evening out, they have a wide range of high-quality bags which also include bowling bags and backpacks bags which would all make perfect Christmas gifts.
With sleek and renowned Italian design, these bags come in a range of colours with high quality finishes and are built to last and withstand anything the day (and night) can throw at you.
As well as creating classy and practical bags, Anoesjcka Gianotti is also an expert in bespoke couture and with experience in London and Milan, creates tailor-made shirts for men.
Her bags are available from www.agbyag.com and are a guaranteed for any working woman who likes to add a bit of style to her life.
Too Busy to Find the Love of Your Life? Don’t Worry, Help is At Hand!
In Italian, there is a phrase which is commonly used to describe a man who likes to show off his assets: Un uomo che si pavoneggia, this roughly translates to ‘a man who likes to strut around like a peacock’.
Mating rituals in peafowl, (which collectively talks about male peacocks and female peahens), are usually marked by peacocks widening their flashy displays of brilliant blue and green tail feathers and more modest discerning female peahens.
Dating rituals throughout the years have pretty much consisted of this routine and romantic relationships are just as important today as they are in the animal kingdom and as they are in our human pasts. But what seems to have fundamentally changed, is the way we meet one another.
Traditionally, couples would meet at work, be introduced by friends, or catch each other’s eyes across the dance floor.
Classic dating may have occasionally involved blind dates and meetings setup by well-meaning friends, but never before has there been such a ruthless and transient system for finding and meeting prospective partners. The world of online dating has made it possible to find local singles, and meet up with multiple potentials – all in one night if we want to!
Online dating gives you a streamlined catalogue of options, where we are judged, not on an impression from a real encounter, but on how we can present ourselves on a virtual platform. Now, our success in dating – and our prospective happiness in love – depends on having a snappy tagline and an attractive selfie.
How People Used to Meet
Without the convenience of the internet, just how did people meet one another in the ‘olden days’? We need to keep in mind that the internet, email and online dating has existed for less than 40 years in the 6,000 years of human history. The 7.5bn people on the face of the earth today are testament to the fact that people have been hooking up and having children seemingly without trouble for centuries.
It might be hard to imagine life without your smartphone, but believe it or not, we used to actually leave our homes in order to meet other people.
How people met in order to begin romantic relationships varies depending on the historical and cultural factors that surrounded them. So, what does the historical landscape of dating look like?
Family-arranged meetings were perhaps the earliest form of dating as we know it. Dating, or to give it its proper name, ‘courtship’, was considered the necessary path to marriage. Marriage was the end goal, and parents were involved to make sure the decision protected the family wealth and reputation. Courtship was always supervised, and a physical relationship beyond a few kisses was forbidden.
As well as through parental setups, couples would meet one another by attending events in the local hall. Dances and parties were for a long time the place to be if you were on the hunt for a potential partner. Either this, or a friend would set up a ‘blind date’ between you and someone with whom they thought you were compatible.
Children were generally educated in single sex schools, and on the whole women did not attend university until the mid-20th Century – and when they did, many of them lived in single sex colleges. Daily life and the workplace involved much less mixing with the opposite sex than it does today, and yet people were still able to meet one another, start dating and get married by simply getting out there and seeing what fish the sea had to offer.
Modern Dating Methods
So, how do modern dating methods differ from those of the past?
The popularity of online dating has gone from strength to strength ever since the inception of the internet. According to a survey by eharmony, by 2031 online dating apps and sites will account for half of all relationships.
Apps like Tinder and Bumble allow users to choose who they would like to date from a wide catalogue of users in the nearby area. Each user has a few tools to market themselves with in the hope of getting chosen: a small bio where they can write a few details about themselves, and a limited selection of photos showcasing their most charming smile and exciting endeavours.
Apps like these reflect the fast-paced, impatient world of internet users, allowing you to ‘swipe to like’ and make a snap decision based on every little detail.
Why Some People Are Fed Up with Digital Dating
It’s clear that online dating has had a significant impact on our attitude to romance and relationships. With many of us relying on the comfort of a screening process based on looks, there may well be negative implications for those who are thoroughly datable, yet don’t come across well on online platforms.
For this reason, many people are growing disillusioned with modern dating. Without the engagement of real-life meetings, where you are able to judge your compatibility with someone from a wide range of factors (eye contact, voice, conversation and general chemistry to name a few), it can be hard to get noticed.
Apps reward superficial traits – the majority of people will make a snap decision based on the first image of you they see. As well as this leaning towards superficiality, many users who are looking for genuinely meaningful relationships are becoming disheartened with the number of game-players who use online dating as a way to find casual hookups.
As well as this, attending a physical date is time-consuming and costly, and can feel like a real waste of time and money if you don’t enjoy yourself or make a meaningful connection!
So, what developments can we expect for the world of digital dating in the future? Well, one of the technologies that has been gaining some serious ground in recent times is Virtual Reality (VR). Could VR offer a new approach within the dating world too?
According to an article from nbcnews.com, a VR headset could transform online dating into a visceral experience for all. Forget the one-dimensional swipe-right culture, and say hello to a world where you can meet your potential partner on a virtual date in a far-off destination without having to leave the comfort of your living space.
It’s predicted that VR headsets could be the next big thing when it comes to online dating, as a safer and more reliable way to find and meet the person you want to form a relationship with.
Looking for success without the hassle of all the above?
If you’re time-challenged or fed up with the way this modern dating world is going, and want to find a long term prospect, why not taste a little of the old school and get a very personalised helping hand?
We talk to Kerensa Robertson from The Casting, an innovative specialist who headhunts for you to find your perfect partner. Kerensa says:
‘With time focussed on business and careers, many singles looking for love have little time to meet potential life partners. Internet dating has revolutionised the way we meet and turned dating from the much sought-after romantic frisson when ‘eyes meet across a room’ to a more prescriptive way of cross-checking criteria online, but many people want a better, more personalised, yet confidential approach and The Casting does the search for them’.
The Casting scrupulously vets and presents those matches that really have the right potential. You set the criteria and Kerensa and her team look within their own books or actively headhunt for potential matches. All of these matches are serious contenders who are looking for love and long-term relationships. Kerensa continues:
‘So many people have almost given up on dating. They believe the chances of meeting someone right is just not worth the effort of conducting the search. They may work long and hard, and very often don’t want an internet search if they’re professionals. Discretion is key!’
Ideal candidates for Kerensa are busy people, those who have tried other methods but with no success, or those who are fed up with not finding suitable candidates and still searching for love. Kerensa could be the helping hand you need:
‘My work involves a range of ways to attract the right people for you to meet based on everything you’ve told me – and I do the hard work’.
What’s the price you would pay to find the love of your life? As with all bespoke services, costs vary but works on registration fee, with monthly subscription and ultimate success fee. Discover more about Kerensa’s exclusive service by visiting The Casting.
Ten Secrets For Keeping The Lady In Your Life Happy (Yes, You Can Do It!)
In this first article in our “A Woman’s Mind” section which will come to fruit next month, here you’ll find out more about how a woman’s brain actually works – unravelling the mysteries of science and helping you to understand just what is happening inside her mind! Soon you could become an expert 🙂
The Construction Of The Woman’s Brain
It’s true to say that women are actually more complicated than men. Their brains are completely different in terms of their construction.
There are four key areas that show differences between the female and male brain: Activity, structure, chemistry and processing. These differences appear all around the world, however there are also some exceptions to the rule. Nevertheless, these differences are a generalised look at how the typical way in which the male and female brain function.
The male brain utilises almost 7 times more grey matter when active and the female brain uses almost 10 times more white matter. So, what is the significance of this?
The areas of grey matter in the brain are localised action and information processing centres. Once deeply engaged with a game or task, the amount of sensitivity men display to their surroundings or other people is minimal. This ensures that men excel in tasks which require a concentrated focus.
White matter, on the other hand, is a networking grid which connects the grey matter to the other processing centres. This leads to women being able to transition more rapidly between tasks and why multi-tasking is easier.
While both the female and male brain processes identical neuro-chemicals, the degrees to which they are processed differ and the processing takes place through body-brain connections that are gender specific. Due to the differences in processing chemicals, men are usually more aggressive and physically aggressive. Also, men process a smaller amount of oxytocin, a bonding chemical, than women. This means that men need to find a different way to release stress to women.
The hippocampus (or memory centre) is usually larger in females and women also frequently have a more dense network of neural connections to the hippocampus. This allows women to absorb or input more emotive and sensorial information than a man.
Women also have a verbal centre on each side of their brain, however men usually only have verbal centres on their left brain hemisphere. This means that girls usually use a larger number of words when describing and discussing things. Meanwhile, men are at a disadvantage when talking about emotions, senses and feelings.
Brain Activity And Blood Flow
A woman’s brain often thinks more about emotional memories, revisiting them more frequently than a man’s brain. Men usually reflect briefly on emotive memories, analyse them and then move on. This often leads to people thinking that boys try to avoid their feelings when compared to girls.
Communication Is Key
The famous book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” points out that one of the main problems in the female/male relationship is poor communication. Finding a good balance in any relationship is essential and communication has a key role to play in that, and this is why this book has proven to be so popular.
With this in mind, you’ll find ten essential secrets which will enable you to keep the woman in your life happy – and yes, believe it or not, it’s something that you really can achieve!
1. Listen More
If a woman has to ask if you’re listening, then you probably aren’t. Women need you to hear them talk about their problems and then to empathise with them. Being supportive is the key here.
2. Surprise Her
Women really love occasional surprises. There’s no need to go out and buy her an expensive present – it’s the sentiment which is behind the present and not the cost which is important. A personal card or flowers are sure to delight her.
3. Making Her Feel Special
Women require flattery and compliments from time to time. They want to feel attractive and desired. Telling her she looks fine isn’t enough – she needs to know she’s your top priority and needs regular reassurance. By simply sending her a text every now and then reminding her about special moments you’ve shared you can really improve your relationship.
4. Remember She Never Forgets
Women are usually a lot more sensitive than men, and they’ll never forget any incident of infidelity. Even if she says she’s forgotten the incident, if she uses the past constantly during arguments she’s definitely not forgiven you. Women may forgive however they never forget and they struggle to handle dishonesty. The only way forward is to come to an arrangement never to mention the incident again.
5. Don’t Forget Important Dates
Men may remember important dates like insurance renewals and mortgage payments, however remembering birthdays and anniversaries is somehow harder. It’s important to remember those key romantic dates or your partner will start to feel unimportant and disconnected.
6. Be Chivalrous
Women want to be respected and are attracted to men who are formal, polite, kind and refined – in other words, chivalrous. Simple acts such as offering a seat or opening a door still impress women today, while being well-mannered and well-groomed is also still important.
7. Show Gratitude And Praise
Women love to be praised and showing gratitude boosts her self-esteem. She’ll feel loved and appreciated as long as your compliments are genuine and sincere.
8. Taking Time
Having quality time together is vital for any relationship. Trying something new or taking a holiday together will rekindle your passion and celebrate your love. It’s also important to show her that your future plans and goals involve her.
9. Keep Your Promises
It is vital to never repeatedly break promises or fail to live up to expectations. Making sure to never forget promises which have been made is essential.
10.Acknowledge Your Commitment
When a man believes he and his partner have a future together, it’s important to share that information with friends and family. He must also acknowledge her importance in his life publicly without shame or dismissal.
With these ten things in mind, you are now well armed to become a more loving, considerate and kind partner to the woman in your life. If you’re not quite there yet, then keep an eye out for more articles from this section ‘A Woman’s Mind’
City Man is focused on the professional man and making sure he leads a good life 🙂
City Woman is coming soon and will focus on good recommendations for professional women www.citywoman.com
Ongoing & Upcoming Events
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